Current Weight: 201.4
*I STAYED THE SAME THIS WEEK*
I totally expected it. I'm OK with it. I feel strong, I feel healthy.
I'm still making good choices.
The weekend was a little over the top...and I think I let Valentine's Day get to me. Not gonna lie, my body image is so wrapped up in my feelings of loneliness and unworthiness at times... And I don't think I fully realized it this weekend. Until this moment, I THOUGHT I was handling it just fine. But, I'm writing this blog and getting a little teary eyed. That baked ziti I ate late Saturday night was definitely emotional eating. I didn't need it, I wasn't hungry. But I felt empty, I felt like something was missing. And I ate. I knew it wasn't going to make me feel better in the long run, but I guess I did it anyway. I wanted to feel good in that moment.
But I have to let go of this desperation to be with a man. I need to realize that a man will not make me whole. I need to feel whole on my own. To realize I'm great and that I deserve to be treated amazingly by a man. And that I will also always be amazing without one by my side. Because until then I'm not going to be ready for a relationship.
But I knew all this before Monday. And there are times that I *FEEL* this. Truly feel it down to the core and it helps me make healthy decisions. But I'm still going to have those moments where I struggle. Where I might not make the right decision. It's all part of the journey.
The important thing to remember is that I'm sitting here this morning feeling good about my decisions. Feeling good about my internal monologue. I didn't let the weekend or Valentines ruin my whole week or impact the progress I've made so far. I still went to the gym. I still ate great. I said yes when I should, and no when I should.
One thing I'm most proud about is that on Wednesday, when I got a late night text from someone wanting a little company I said no, because I knew I deserved better. I didn't latch onto something that may have made feel good in that moment, but later just leave me feeling empty and alone.
So maybe I didn't stay the same this week.
The number is the same, but things are changing. I'm truly choosing to put me first.
PLUS: I had to wear a belt today with pants that use to be too tight!!!