There are certain things I want to be able to do that I just don't feel comfortable doing in the body I currently have. I want to wear little dresses in the summer. And ride a bike around. Wear high-heels. Take hikes to high places with amazing views. I want to run long distances. Pretty much I want the life of the girl in her little black dress riding a pink bike....
And I know I can do all those things right now, but it's just not the same. I don't feel comfortable in the body I have. I want to feel healthy and well balanced. I want to be able to walk into a clothing store and not just be limited to the one or two things that will look good on my body. I don't want to feel self-conscious riding my bike down the boardwalk.
There are things that are just a lot harder (physically and emotionally) to do when you are carrying around extra weight.
And last year I was able to focus on the end prize, could see myself doing the things I wanted to do, but still stay focused on the present and do what needed to be done to get to the end. I don't know why it was so easy then. I'm trying to get back there. To that place where everything just clicked. I know it was also work, but it wasn't as hard as it is right now. Maybe I just need time, maybe I just need things to settle down in my life.
But I'm also tired of making excuses.
I'm going to try to make an inspiration board...maybe digital....or maybe something that I can hang up and see everyday.
I need to make this thing tangible again. I need to give myself something big to focus on so the everyday little decisions - whether or not to eat the roll, to have that extra glass of wine, to eat the chips and dip my brother is eating - aren't so hard.