The past year has been a rough one...lost my job, got my job back...had a cancer scare...got my heartbroken...made poor choices...made mistakes...drank too much...gained over 20 pounds...was overwhelmed by student loan debt. And I lost a lot of confidence along the way. But I'm ready to change that. I got on the scale this morning and I had gained 4 pounds in two weeks. It was the holidays, but if I keep gaining like this I am going to gain so much weight. I can already feel the difference. It's harder for me to walk around. My clothes don't fit. I have had to throw away two...TWO...pairs of jeans because they ripped in the butt. It's not OK. This is not who I am. I want better for myself. My coping mechanism these days is to just avoid. Avoid the mirror, avoid the scale, avoid jeans...avoid all the other stressers in my life (I haven't look at my bank account in a month). I need to stop avoiding. I need to get on that scale everyday. I need to look myself in the mirror every day and ask myself if I'm really happy. This blog is going to help in that process. I'm not advertising it to anyone...at least not yet. I need to a place to journal and examine how I am really feeling. Get it out there and process it. I need to take photos. I need to check in on my weight.
I took this photo this morning. I don't even really recognize myself. I can tell I'm uncomfortable just taking my own photo even though I know nobody is not going to see it. But I want to record it cause I want to see the changes. But I have to realize that they are not going to happen over night. I often get stuck on this need for instant gratification. I want changes right away. But I have to know that if I keep going and I make progress everyday...however small it is, it will add up. And by recording it here I can see it. My mantra for 2011: LIVE IN THE MOMENT...LIVE FOR MYSELF
Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
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